These Phrases from My Father Which Rescued Me during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You require some help. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who often absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to take a break - going on a few days abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."